Dating gorgeous man

I would likely have a lot less empathy for others, a lot less understanding.

As the pastor and bestselling author Tim Keller once famously claimed: “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial.

When our relationship was still in its infancy, my ex accidentally discovered the handicap parking tag hanging from my rearview mirror: blue, the frozen color of permanence, issued to me by my doctor for the fatigue and leg cramps I sometimes experienced with my fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition that affects the nervous system.

Rattled by a thunderstorm and running late, I’d completely forgotten that my ex might see it when he walked me back to my car later that night.

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If that’s you, let me just say that I hope you find someone who makes you feel seen.For a while, I buried the darker parts of my story. After experiencing both types of love — loved but not known, known but not loved — I eventually concluded that the only way forward was to find someone who could do both, who could truly “get me.”Not everyone can. But I want to be simultaneously fully known and fully loved. I want my flaws and so-called flaws to be acknowledged, and I want to be loved because of them, not in spite of them. Someone can either hear about my experience with fibromyalgia and think, “Wow, that’s unfortunate,” or they can embrace me for the fragile, messy, infinitely complex human that I am.The rich, layered brokenness that I loved so much was off-limits to romantic prospects. Per Keller’s assertion, it all felt rather nice, but hollow. During the time my ex and I were together, he asked me to “work with him.” He told me that I was introducing him to concepts and ideas and ways of being that were new to him, a different kind of relationship, and I needed to give him a moment to wrap his head around it all.My gut finally forced me to confront the truth: I asked him if he resented my fibromyalgia, this aspect of me. My pain condition is so deeply ingrained in me, so deeply a part of me, that hating it is to hate the whole. Humans don’t work that way — or, at least, I don’t.Just because he did, I don’t see the fibromyalgia as a flaw or even something I wish I could change about myself.

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  1. Jeri Ryan’s most iconic role – Seven of Nine, the human-turned-Borg on “Star Trek: Voyager” – is many years gone now, but even without her former character’s ubiquitous corset, she’s still looking damned gorgeous, as you’ll be able to see when she joins the cast of TNT’s “Leverage” on January 13th.